Thoughts on The Grand Tour, Top Gear, and the state of Automotive Television

This started out as a pretty simple facebook thing, but then it got… long. Raise your hand if you’re surprised.

No one? Fuck. Well, I am who I am.

Ok, so first off, here’s a bit of automotive history – Clarkson on the History of Japanese Cars:

Opening with the bombing of Hiroshima may be a tad insensitive, but it is historically accurate. So, I’ll allow it.


This is pretty much the definition of what’s wrong with The Grand Tour. I’ve kept my mouth shut to this point – the car guys (and girls) love it so far but I’m having the same misgivings as I had with the last few seasons of TopGear under Clarkson, May, and Hammond.

And, because I am who I am, I’m going to tell you why. At length. Buckle up, buttercup.

So, did you watch that bit on youtube? Yeah, the image quality isn’t great, but he’s telling a story. Unlike the last ten years, where history has been the domain of James May – That’s fine, May’s a serious historian, and tinkerer, but Clarkson also has a huge (or had, at least) interest in histry. And that’s basically been gone for five years now. He just shouts. He’s the Trump of the automotive world. SHOUT THINGS! REACT TO PEOPLE! SHOUT MORE THINGS! LISTEN TO THE CHEERS!

And that’s the problem.

The Grand Tour isn’t thoughtful in the way TopGear has always been. They used to interview people, now, they “kill” them. They used to test cars, now they slide them. They used to have adventures. Now, they go to other countries and irritate people.

Now, they were already doing that on BBC TopGear. But the BBC was obviously keeping Clarkson in line.

But Clarkson is running the asylum now. And it’s worse for it.

The other side of things, is that the Grand Tour is fully aimed at the US market. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it’s a different market, and it’s one that doesn’t necessarily appreciate what TopGear used to do really well – Be British.

It’s a shame. The British stoicism brought something to the show that you wouldn’t get elsewhere. Yes, Clarkson is an ass (and he really is) but he’s turned it up to eleven now, and it’s very obviously Spiderman 3 syndrome: “If one villian makes a good story, then four villians will kill them!” Except it doesn’t does it? It just irritates, and suddenly, there’s not enough time for the depth, and thoughtfulness that had TopGear appealing to a lot more than car people (My mom used to watch TopGear, because it was, actually, entertaining, beyond the cars).

At the same time, TopGear (the new one) has gotten a bad rap. Matt LeBlanc, especially, is a fantastic presenter. He’s got exactly the right tone and presence on screen for it. Chris Evans, especially, got pummelled for his style in teh first two episodes, but after that, he quieted down a lot and started to deveop his own voice, rather that shouty Clarkson imitation. I feel bad for Evans, I really do. He was set up to fail on this one, because they were going to need a scapegoat for lower ratings when TopGear came back. But the show itself, beyond the fanboi “THERE’S NO TOP GEAR WITHOUT CLARKSON” shit, has actually been pretty good. In fact, if you watch it back to back with The Grand Tour you start to see…

That Clarkson and crew really haven’t done anything different with The Grand Tour, except try to be… more irritating. Again, I think Clarkson got a lot of help, and was really kept from doing the truly stupid stuff, by the BBC. And at the same time, Clarkson (and May, and Hammond) did bring something very special to TopGear.

And the thing is, fanbois, that’s never coming back.


In fact, it hasn’t been there for the last two or three years at TopGear, anyway.

The Grand Tour is what Clarkson wants to make. And it’s inferior. Top Gear is what BBC needs to make, because the franchise makes money for them, and, it’s currently inferior. But they’ve got a good cast and they’re playing with how they do things – they’re evolving.

Clarkson’s Grand Tour, however, is a dinosaur. I wouldn’t expect it to last long, unfortunately.

Just from what I’ve seen on social media, there was massive buzz about Episode 1, huge interest in Episode 2, and no one has said a word about Episodes 3, 4, and 5. There’s good reason for that. The show is lackluster at best. It’s a shadow of its former (Say, Top Gear Season 15 or so) glory. Now, that said, the latest episode (ep 5) has been pretty good, all in all. They got back to what they’re good at, a bit. Still fell back onto “how funny is it that we’re British and we don’t understand foreign cultures?” (ie. irritate the locals) but still, they were actually back on form.

This whole “kill the famous guests” thing has to fucking go though. It’s so old and played out, already. Just. Stop.

But all the fanboi’s care about is that things never change. And that’s a problem inherent in the automotive community, not just in terms of Top Gear: “If it’s not my way, it’s shit”.

Literally none of the fanboi’s could see that we won, overall.

Yeah, Clarkson, May, and Hammond? THey left (a stagnant) Top Gear.

But Top Gear continues.

They started Grand Tour.

At the same time, in the interim, we got a revival of Fifth Gear online, and we saw a huge growth in really solid youtubers doing good things with cars – Matt Farah and the Smoking Tire, Chris Harris, Might Car Mods, Roadkill, Petrolicious, /Drive, Regular Car Reviews, and the list goes on.

And these guys, they all have something going on? Why? Because they’re doing something different, something new, and it’s interesting.

As an aggregate? We totally won. I mean, we REALLY won. We went from one real car/lifestyle show, to dozens, in any style you might like. And that’s awesome.

But no.

The Fanboi’s only want TopGear, circa season 21. Forever. And Ever. Because change is scary and they are scared, scared little menboys.

Which means we’re more likely to just get more of the same, than what the boys are really good at, which is telling interesting stories around cars, not just around tire smoke. And that’s a shame. But it does keep the dollars coming in, and the cameras rolling. So, I’m torn. But I don’t look forward to The Grand Tour. I watch it because it’s there. I used to really look forward to Top Gear (and I am looking forward to seeing where the next season of new Top Gear goes, as well, with LeBlanc at the helm).

Embrace the new. It’s pretty awesome. And you still have your thing.

Totally Awesome Thing About Car Culture

There’s a reason I refer to myself and my fellow car nerds as nerds. We are. Seriously. Bordering on car hipsters, to be honest. I’m not going to get into what I drive: If you’ve read here before, you already know, ad neauseum, about my car. And, honestly, I’m a little run down. THere’s a “parts going in” update coming… eventually. In the meantime, I’ve been avoiding events, especially “offical” events, because, yeah, I just don’t have the energy, and my car’s not in the shape I’d like it to be for those events, and I don’t have the energy to get it there, right now.


So, Thursday night, there was a show. The Ottawa area has a lot of these weekly shows: there’s a Tuesday night in Kanata, there’s a couple of different Friday night ones, there’s Wednesday night at the Casino. They all have something in common: they are nearly universally classic, hotrod, and muscle shows. I like these shows: they tend not to have the sheer idiocy that comes with eighteen year-olds in civics (I know whereof I speak: I was that kid. But I didn’t have a civic, I had an ’88 Ford Tempo).

The Thursday night show, no different, just at Fallingbrook shopping center, in Orleans.

16 - Pontiac Laurentian at Dusk//

02 - Pink sedan//

09 - Mustang//

15 - Pickup//

So, what you see there is a sea of gleaming muscle, painstakingly restored classics, expensive modern insanity (2015 C7 Corvette, I’m looking at you), waxed and polished so hard the chrome almost comes off. I love all this: I love seeing the restorations, the resto-mods, and the cars of yester-year. And as usual, all the owners are milling around, looking at the same cars they see every week, talking to their buddies, and wondering what seven KDM, one Honda, and one VW are doing there.

And then.

And then this guy rolls in.

11 - 1939 Morgan//

And I wouldn’t say the record scratched as the lot went quiet. Hell, it didn’t REALLY go quiet. But he rolled in, backed into a parking spot, and got out.

The valves (open to the world) were smoking. The exhaust was clattering. The lights were… ineffective.

But all of a sudden, there was a crowd: the biggest crowd of the night. And EVERYONE wanted a word, an explanation, and a picture.

13 - 1939 Morgan//

Two minutes later?


What you can’t see is ’em standing three-deep behind me, as I took that (and some other) pictures. Basically lining up to take a good, clean picture from the front.

The vehicle in question isn’t even a car. It’s a reverse-trike: specifically, a 1939 Morgan Three-Wheeler. It’s also, according to the owner, a bit of a bastard: it’s an “SS” model, which in this case doesn’t mean “Super Sport”, but rather, “Stainless Steel”. The frame is steel, not wood, so, you only have to worry about rust and British electrical systems, not termites and wood rot. Which is nice.

And yeah, everyone wanted to to know about it. There were the few regulars who had “opinions” and “knowledge” (Spoiler: they didn’t know much about it, but talked a lot like they did). The guy who owned it was saying that he’d actually just got it on the road: 2.1Km from home to the show was its maiden voyage, after he got it: turns out, his Uncle had had it in a barn in BC and kinda said “If you’re going to drive it, it’s yours, free. If you’re not going to, i’ll sell it to someone who will” So the new owner is going to drive it, everywhere he can.

It really was the coolest thing there. And that brings me back to the car-nerd thing. All the guys, and girls there were, well, classic North ‘Murican car-types: big, V8, detroit iron (which you can see in the pics above) but everyone went ga-ga over this little British three-wheeler. Because it’s different and weird, and they want to know. Not only that, they want to know the guy who’s doing something different, who’s being something different. I never did get the spec on the engine, but according to wikipedia, it’s the last year of the V-twin three-wheelers, and this was definitely an air-cooled model. Finding specs on these things is crazy tough, too.

All in all, just a very cool, very cramped little thing. And apparently, the brake- and turn-signal lights don’t work. So, it’s hand-signals all the way (the lights are aftermarket add-ons, and maybe aren’t as good as they could be). And it’s classed as a motorcycle. So, helmet and goggles? Yeah, I’m all over that! I’ll admit it. I kinda want one. I’d totally commute in that in the summer.

And totally not… normal. And, for all you hang out with your own crew? When that “not normal” rolls through? You gotta check it out.

Car Stuff – Wherein My “Season” Ends Early

Last week was awesome. I finally got the car to the point where a] I could have the spacers on and b] only scrape the tires on the liners/tabs on the most major bumps. That’s actually a win. I think if I push the stiffness a little further, I can eliminate it altogether. The scraping, not the stiffness.

Which means my summer set-up is currently:

F: 19×8 +15mm 245/35R19
R: 19×9.5 +15mm 275/35R19

It’s very nice. Ride height finally, is probably in the range of two inches of drop (rather than the nearly 3.5″ I had to start with) and I’ve gotten the pre-load almost sorted out too (although a little more, especially in the front, probably has worth).

Last Sunday (the 16th of August) was Torque Modified in Bowmanville. At the same time, @thirtyyearhouse needed to be at her family’s cottage in Carnavon (where I was joining her after the show). So.

Friday – 160km roundtrip to drop the dog off at the dogsitter
Saturday – 360km to Carnavon from Ottawa, 160 to Bowmanville from Carnavon
Sunday – 7am out to Torque Modified, 10 hours in the parking lot, 160km to Carnavon
Monday – nothin’
Tuesady – 360km Carnavon to Ottawa, 160km roundtrip to pick up Dog
Wednesady, Thursday – Nothin’
Friday – 360km Ottawa to Picton
Saturday – 80km roundtrip to Sandbanks
Sunday – 360km Picton to Ottawa

Hunh. So, that’s actually over 2000km. With more accurate measures, probably exactly 2000ish. Yes. Exactly, ish.

The show was fantastic fun, I’ll admit. Not because I won (I was never gonna win anything, my car is NOT show level, by any means). But it was fun to hang with a ton of guys I talk to online regularly, and see rarely. The show itself was a fantastic mix of Hotrod, classic restoration, resto-rod, Modern Muscle, Tuner cars, and Import modified. No hate from anywhere and some truly amazing vehicles. But, it’s easier to show you, right?

020 - asses for miles//

021 - MiniTruck 1988 Mazda//

024 - Genesis Bagged//

027 - The Beaumont//

034 - Partial line-up//

The run back up to the cottage was amazing too, and so was the run home. I just love DRIVING the Genesis, still, after six and a half years.

So, what’s the issues?

Well, a portion of the lip is cracked now. I think I can fix that, but it’s going to take me some time, and I’m gonna have to pull the front end off to get at it. Not a big deal these days, but it’s still a bunch of work.

The rear tires are still scraping on the tabs inside the fenders where the bumper cover joins the body. Again, not often, and not badly, but it’s still there. I think just a little more adjustment (some more pre-load, a little more stiffness, and another turn of height) will do the job. It’s primarily happening when the car is loaded down, so the pre-load will definitely help. And doing all this will put me closer to next years goal of going to the track.

At the same time, I did the front brakes with some nice, but affordable, parts from R1 Concepts, a few years back. At the time, we looked at the rears, and there was no real point doing them: they were pristine. Now, after 6.5 years of spirited driving, they are less so. A little grindy when you get aggressive, and the rotors are visibly scored. I’ve had the parts sitting around for three years, so it’s a matter of doing them. But I don’t want to go far, until I do them, for safety’s sake. As I’ll have the wheels off to mess with the suspension, I might as well do ’em then.

On top of that, the clutch is finally getting really bad. I think.

But here’s the thing. At this point, it might be the clutch (and again, I have one waiting, a stage 2 Competition Clutch. I just need a good clutch line (might as well do it while I’ve got everything apart) and a throwout bearing (a definite must do while the clutch is out). But it also might be the exhaust. The car is six and a half years old, and the stock engine/tune runs rich, and, due to turbo, blows some oil. Nature of the beast, not worried about it. BUT. I have feeling the stock catalytic converter is almost done, and is causing issues of restriction: the hesitation I can feel when I got wide-open with the throttle could be the clutch, except I’m not seeing the revs jump and then fall, except at high-gear, high load. So I’m wondering if it’s the back pressure building up behind a jammed up catalytic converter, that’s just not flowing as well as it used to. At the same time, I KNOW I’ve got an exhaust leak at the gasket between the catalytic and downpipe, and I think that’s a combination of a downpipe flange that wasn’t as well manufactured as it could have been, and worn catalytic converter studs.

Which means it’s time for a new catalytic converter.

The options there are … very few, actually. I could go with a stock one: as I want to tune the car next year, finally, I’d need to have it modified with a wideband sensor bung. Smarter is aftermarket, high-flow: still emissions compliant (which was always my goal) but comes with the necessary sensor bungs (stock O2’s, Wideband), and flows more, faster. That means more power. I like more power. The options there are incredibly limited, because most people just ditch the catalytics completely, and run an open, catless O2 housing. I don’t wanna do that. Technically, CPE makes a high flow stock replacement, but the only place I can find it is Uniq performance. The other (cheaper) option is out of Toronto as well: Ultimate Racing makes a high-flow replacement for the stock cat on the 2.0T Genesis, and it’s affordable. Thing is, despite them being Canadian, I don’t know how affordable, because their pricing is in US Dollars. I understand why: most of their business will come out of the states, online. But it does mean I have to contact them directly to get a price on what I need. Still, looks to be about 2/3 to half the price of the CPE unit, which is dandy by me!

What this means, is, in the TL-DR version I currently have issues with:

-suspension rubbing
-and nearly worn-out tires

Which means I’m done for the season. Which takes the

On Electric Cars, Enthusiasts, and the War Between Performance and Environmentalism

You’ve obviously figured out by now that I’m an automotive enthusiast. So, I want to do something wierd. I want to talk about electric vehicles. More importantly, I want to talk about car culture, environmentalism, and electric vehicles. Because, much to the surprise of everyone involved, you can’t talk about one without talking about the others.

First, the fallacies.

1] Car guys hate electric cars.
2] Car guys are climate-change denying throwbacks and reprobates.
3] car culture cannot tolerate electric vehicles.
4] Electric vehicles will save the environment.

Those are all FALSE statements. ALL OF THEM.

Despite The Clarkson’s of the world (the dude is entertaining, but I find some of his politics reprehensible), despite the enviromental lobby’s love of electric, and despite the auto-industry’s latching onto hybrid & electric as “the way of the future”, those are all false statements.

Lets get the basics out of the way.

If you want to talk about car culture (and by extension, car guys & girls) then you need to understand something about modern car culture. We love cars. In fact, we actually love all things with wheels. We love digging our hands in and making them ours. Yes, we love going fast in ’em, and we love making them better. This is what has lead to fallacies #1 and #2, and #3.

The problem is, with very few exceptions, no one is making electric cars that are actually fun to drive, or can be made fun to drive. THere are exceptions, I’ll get to them. But for the most part, hybrid’s and electrics are the definition of what an enthusiast hates in a vehicle. They are, in fact, vehicles in name only. What they are is APPLIANCES. They’re a device to get you from A to B, under the pretense of efficience and environmental friendliness.

This is not how to get ‘enthusiasts’ to embrace electrics.

Car culture is, in fact, ready to embrace electric vehicles. Electric has significant performance advantages: the primary of which is 100% torque @ 0rpm. Because of the way electrics can be packaged (ie. small motors at each wheel, with nothing but wires connecting them to the rest of the structure, and batteries that, eventually, can be spread through the body for excellent weight balance and distribution) they’re actually a better option for performance enthusiasts. Rather than a 700lb steel lump sitting over the front wheels, you can have a 35lb lump at each corner, and spread the batteries and charging system to the most efficient locations within the frame and body, achieving that hallowed performance number: the 50/50 weight distribution. You get All-wheel drive. If you want it, the computer can be reprogrammed to give you Rear-wheel-drive in a “sport” mode. “eco” mode could, conceivably, dramatically increase distance for regular driving. Because you don’t have that traditional lump of engine, transmission, and exhaust routing up front, along with a need (especially now) for better and better water cooling, you can start doing really, really interesting things with the shape and design of the vehicle.

No one does any of this yet.

Even Tesla (and, had I a ninety grand to spend, I’d buy a 85kwh Tesla performance model: that’s enough juice to get me to my folks place for the weekend, 300km away). doesn’t actually do “efficiency” well. But they get performance. Boy, do they ever. I saw a Tesla Roadster at autocross a couple years back:

066 - Tesla Roadster #76 - exit the loop

And watching that thing go around a track was brilliant. Disconcerting, because it was SILENT except for the tire squeal (and too much of that, due to the eco-tires). But, a brilliant car.

There’s a couple of good kicks at the can. The Honda CR-Z is kinda cool, and modifies well. Ford is getting it with their hybrid line-up: they drive like CARS, not appliances. GM is getting it with the wickedly cool looking Volt (although consumers aren’t buying into it), and of course, the Tesla‘s, although cost is prohibitive on Tesla’s, which will keep them as niche/status cars for at least a while.

But a lot of things have to happen before enthusiasts are truly willing to embrace electric. And there are envrionmentalist auto enthusiasts: the ideas aren’t mutually exclusive.

Here’s an example.

An enthusiast hears a slight tone change in the exhaust. They wait for the weekend, get under the car, find a hole in the exhaust manifold, buy a header to replace it (because if you’re replacing it, you might as well get more efficiency and power, right?), and go on their merry way. They accomplish a few things here.

1] They continue to establish their DIY, enthusiast cred. THIS IS IMPORTANT!
2] They solve the problem, and ensure the emissions system is working properly, thus reducing emissions from their vehicle
3] They get more power and torque (fun to drive quotient) and likely a better sound (fun to drive quotient) by reducing back pressure, and probably free up some fuel-efficiency, too.

The average non-enthusiast (if they even notice the difference at all), however, in the same situation thinks about what it’s going to cost them, and turns up the stereo: if you can’t hear it, then it’s not a problem until the check engine light comes on thus:

1] Preventing the emissions system (catalytic converter, downstream of the exhaust manifold) from working correctly
2] ensuring a more expensive repair later
3] reducing efficiency
4] potentially creating a lethal situation with carbon monoxide being captured under the vehicle, and entering the passenger compartment
5] waiting for a real problem to stop the vehicle, they then spew bile about how badly made it is, how bad the manufacturer is, and how angry they are about it

Enthusiasts tend to look after their vehicles, to their own detriment (and the consternation of their loved ones, to be sure).

We’re not against all these new technologies: we just need them to be proven as actually worthwhile before we invest in them: we do our RESEARCH, we don’t just believe the advertising. This is what happens when you have not only knowledge of a thing, but also enthusiasm for it.

In otherwords, if you’re a nerd.

I’m a car nerd.

So, beyond the lack-of-enthusiast appeal, what’s the issue with hybrid and electric? I mean, it can’t just be about that, or enthusiasts are actually just dickheads stuck in the past: luddites hanging onto expiring technology, right?

Well, there’s the actual reason that people generally buy an electric or hybrid vehicle (I’ll give you a hint, it’s not because they’re fun to drive). It’s for fuel-economy (fallacy, in fact) and to “save the environment” (may also be a fallacy).

That an electric or hybrid is a fuel saver is… Ok, maybe not a complete fallacy. It depends on a few things though.

First, it depends on the type of driving you’re doing. Keeping a 2500lb-3000lb vehicle going at 100km/h (highway speed) takes a lot of effort. A non-hybrid diesel is actually more efficient over long distance than an electric or gasoline hybrid. Why? Because the electric engine if it’s working at all, is working damn hard, and burning the hell out of it’s battery. A diesel, or even an efficient gas engine, can get down in the 4L-5L/100km range. A hybrid gets… about 4.7L-5.5L/100km on the highway. Go look at the manufacturers and EPA numbers if you don’t believe me. An electric burns it’s power faster at speed. What a hybrid, especially, is good at, is reducing emisssions in stop’n’go traffic. in other words, city commuting. Sitting in traffic in the parking lot highway commute? Hybrid’s excel at this. Because they just… stop. No consumption. electrics too, to be fair. WHere as this is where a gas/diesel engine is at its least efficient: they’re sitting, unloaded, idling. this is bad for fuel economy (effectively 0km per litre at idle) and worse for emissions: you’re burning hydrocarbons just to sit there waiting to go. SO, if you’re a commuter, and don’t take the highway, or take the highway in peak traffic periods? Yeah. A hybrid/electric can make a lot of sense at the pumps. If you do distance, off peak? Stick with gasoline or diesel.

But that’s only half the story, maybe even a third of it.

Because, for hybrid’s especially, HOW you drive is the single biggest vector of the efficiency of a vehicle. If you use the gas pedal (like a multitude of people do) as an on/off switch, and race light to light? Yeah, you can actually get worse fuel economy than a gas-only vehicle: because that tiny little gas engine that helps charge your hybrid, actually does most of the work under heavy load. Ie. WOT (Wide Open Throttle). Driving a hybrid, especially, to achieve fuel-economy and emissions benefits means driving incredibly conservatively. That’s actually not a bad thing, but it is something that most people seem incapable of.

There’s one other factor in the actually driving and ownership of an electric, or hybrid. If you can achieve all the things above, that’s great. But, you’re NOT driving in a microcosm. What I’m saying is, it’s not just you on the road. And if you take twenty seconds to come up to the 50km/h speed limit, while achieving 2L/100km? that’s awesome. But the fifteen gasoline powered cars behind you get stuck at the redlight they would have made it through if you had driven “normally” or “with the flow of traffic” rather than for your individual fuel economy benefit? Yeah, they’re all sitting their idling for another three minutes while that light changes. If all you want is fuel economy for yourself? you win, for sure. If you bought a hybrid or electric for it’s actual purpose (emissions reduction) well, you’re actually making the problem worse.

What I’m saying is that this is not an X or Y sum. There are a ton of factors involved.

Lets take it up a step, shall we?

Those batteries in your effient, economical, environment-saving car? They have to come from somewhere. And, they have to be charged somewhere too.

The article I’m about to link to has a lot of information in it, and is worth a read. But this stood out:

Our central scenario for vehicle manufacturing was 70 g CO2e/km for an electric vehicle and 40 g CO2e/km for a petrol car.

The materials (rare metals, etc) have to be mined. They have to be refined. They have to be assembled first into a battery, and then into a vehicle. Each of these steps involves shipping, which is inevitably ships, trains, and trucks. All huge emissions sources and carbon fuel pigs. And the various steps can be all over the world. The materials may be mined in Africa, made into a battery in Germany, installed in a car in Japan, and sold in America. That’s a LOT of (incredibly inefficient) travel. And, that’s the kind of thing that creates a carbon footprint forty-percent larger than a gasoline vehicle in the manufacturing process.

Finally, as that article (and others) note, where your power comes from makes a huge difference. In other words, are you doing lip-service to environmentalism by driving a hybrid, or electric, or are you actually doing it right?

Now, that’s an awful lot of negative, I know. It’s not all bad though.

If you’re willing to keep, and drive, your car for the long term (something enthusiasts tend to do, btw) you can equalize in a big way. A few years ago, it was estimated that to break-even on cost of ownership (ie. the on-the-wallet benefit) of a hybrid would take approximately 400,000km (250,000 miles) of driving to “break even” in terms of fuel savings vs initial cost difference of the vehicle. But, that’s only part of the equation. OVer that period, the emissions benefits become extremely large, assuming proper driving habits, maintenance, and fuel/power sources.

Keeping a car for a long time isn’t something most people do anymore. They get bored, or the next cool thing they have to have comes along, and the road is, in fact, paved with easy financing. Which means the additional cost, in dollars, and in environmental concerns, doesn’t pay off.

fuel-efficient technology is so expensive that these types of cars take years to pay off at today’s gas prices—and that remains true even if gas were to hit $5 per gallon. In some cases, the average driver would take more than a decade to see savings over comparable conventional vehicles, which is a problem since the average person owns a car just six years. Most fuel-efficient cars will be more expensive to purchase and to drive for five years, at minimum.

If gas cost $5 a gallon, the TrueCar data estimates that the payback period for a hybrid Ford Fusion over the conventional Fusion would be six and a half years, compared with eight and a half years at $4. At $6 a gallon, the hybrid Toyota Camry, Hyundai Sonata and Kia Optima are likely to generate savings within four years.

That sounds pretty bleak, I know. In fact, you’d think I’m making a case against hybrids and electrics. I’m actually not. What I’m suggesting is that people stop and think, rather than jumping on the next “save the world silver bullet”. For the most part (hey, look, I’m getting back to my original point!) enthusiasts are doing this. We’re doing it in a lot of ways, and we’re open to a lot of ideas. In fact, we’re open to more ideas than the general public, I think. Because we take the time to understand the technology, and what works in what circumstance.

Delivery drivers could make hybrids and electrics pay off, ESPECIALLY within city enirons. Taxi’s could, IF the weather cooperates: I don’t mean to extend their driving, but to keep them warm or cool: A cabbie is actually an outdoors worker. there’s a reason you see cabs idling for long periods: keeps the car warm or cool, depending on the season (they need, and the customer demands). Our structure for getting a cab (ie. cab-stands) would have to change though, and I don’t know how likely that is.

This actually DEFINES the problem right now. The only people who would/will buy hybrids and electrics right now? They’re (pardon the phrasing) eco-weinies. There’s a small number of people who actually understand the technology, and make it work properly, and will have it pay off. A large number of hybrid adopters have, unfortunately, just bought the hype (save gas now!) or, worse, want to be able to brag about how they’re doing their part to save the world, when really, they’re not doing anything. Enthusiasts won’t buy hybrids. Why? Because they’re the electric equivalent of a Toyota Corolla: Oh, they’re decent to get around in, sure, but they’re not FUN. You don’t wake up in the morning look out the window at your car and go “DAMN. Look at that. Lets go for a drive.” they’re appliances, that’s it.

What’s stopping enthusiasts from buying into green technologies, is that they’re not something you can get enthusiastic about as a driver. They’re not appealing. Yet. They can be. Like I said, torque is a wonderful thing, and electric does it well.

The BMW i8 has serious potential at an “enthusiast” hybid/electric. But it suffers the same problem that the Fisker Karma does, and that the Tesla cars do: they’re FUCKING EXPENSIVE.

BMW i8

Very few enthusiasts will be able to afford one, never mind it be their only car. We’re back to that constant bugaboo in the industry: range anxiety.

I still love the idea of hydrogen/electric: it gives you the torque, a clean fuel source, zero emissions. It doesn’t deal with the environmental issues surrounding making batteries, but it gets us one step closer, and it gets the average consumer off the grid. Unfortunately, Honda got the closest but even they appear to have abandoned the idea, in favour of now-traditional gasoline/electric hybrids, and plug-in electrics.

In fact, you, and we, can effect positive change. As people adopt electric and hybrid, the process becomes more efficient: efficiency of scale will, I think, become a huge deal. And, honestly, the technology will get better, because that’s what it does. We’re also starting to get smarter about where our ‘grid’ power comes from. The numbers in those articles? They’re thrown out a lot by developing worlds and new markets still using low tech and dirty fuels for powering their grids. Those numbers will get worse before they get better, but developed worlds are improving (despite the coal/oil industries attempts to stagnate development of green technologies). Solar on the household level, geothermal, and wind are going to continue to make the long-term ownership of electric and hybrid vehicles more and more viable, EVEN with the environmental costs associated witht he materials and construction process. Everyone needs to take a page from the enthusiast driver: they need to LEARN TO DRIVE. That’s something you always have to give to an enthusiast (BMW & Audi drivers excepted, those guys are just DICKS): they look at the road, they plan their trips, then work on efficiencies (because, again, efficiency = power and power = fun). Enthusiasts need to save money on gas, so we can go faster, longer. Most enthusiasts are working with traffic, when they’re in it: they understand braking distances, and when it’s worth accelerating, or just pulling along. We understand our vehicles, and we make them run as well as is possible. We DRIVE: we don’t just go point-to-point. Paying attention to traffic, where you want to be, how to get there (before you get there) and simple courtesy? these things all save fuel and time.

Look, true enthusiasts? We like ALL wheeled things. Me, I’m a cyclist, a car lover, a tuner, an muscle car guy, an open-wheel fan: I love a good 4×4, I love rallying, I even like NASCA… no, I can’t say it. I just DON’T GET NASCAR. I like vintage, I like new.

That’s what I hate most about this whole thing with Tesla vs the media. The reality is, Tesla is, in fact, beta-testing. Anyone who’s bought one so far? They’re early-adopters, and they’re part of the test cycle. There are going to be problems. Going ballistic and making yourself look like an asshole isn’t going to help. I think it’s fantastic that the CNN Guys managed a successful run when Broder couldn’t. But even they said there were severe differences in conditions (0-10oF vs 50oF ambient temps make a huge difference on batteries) and that’s out of their control.

I love what Tesla is doing. If I won the lottery, I’d have a Tesla, and be damned with it. But, I’d have a hard time with it being my only car, hundred-grand be damned. That said, if I can afford a Tesla, I can afford something more …

See, I was about to say “reliable”. But that’s the wrong word. The cars are, for the most part, reliable. Especially with the support, and ‘instant update’ from their support divisions.

But the reality is, the tech is in its infancy. It’s pretty simple in the math. If A drive from Washington to Boston takes eight hours in a gas car, assuming normal stops, and it takes thirteen hours, with no problems with the vehicle, in an electric car, with the fastest available charging systems, it’s simply NOT ready for prime-time. It’s a mother of a first step, there’s no doubt about that, but it IS a first step. Stoping for three to five hours to charge (under optimium circumstances) is far too much Sunday drive: there’s no room to enjoy that cars potential, and the range anxiety? It’s still there, even though you have the technical range. The technolgy turns a long but manageable drive into an obnoxious, exhausting drive.

But like I said: enthusiasts. I can’t wait to see where this goes. I’d love to see Telsa get into the Hydrogen/electric business. Most of all, I want to see them drop the defensive “you’re all out to get us” bullshit, and keep making awesome, all-electric alternatives to what we’ve got now. It’s gotta happen, and, for all the issues, these guys are at the head of the pack. Right now, the Tesla, for all the faults it has, is waaaay better at what it does than any other electric (or hybrid) on the market. Bar none.

As an enthusiast, I can’t wait to see where this goes. I just wish I could afford one, and be part of the process.