It’s Time To Get Ranty.

I don’t think I’ve done this here yet, but it’s definitely time.

I fucking hate e-bikes. E-scooters. e-cycles. All of the damn battery powered PoS’s. These ones:

And even more, these ones, because they don’t even pretend to be bikes; they just exploit a no-license-needed loophole:

Now, let me preface this: I’m a driver and a cyclist: I don’t ride a motorcycle, but I adore ’em. But these things? Fucking hell they piss me off.

Repeatedly, I’ve been stuck behind them… on my bicycle. Oh, I know the manufacturers CLAIM a 32km/h top speed. But rarely have I even seen one approach that speed. They’re heavy and ungainly, and they seem to be almost uniformly riden by geriatrics who are terrified, or fat dudes.

Look, I’m sorry, ok? But these things aren’t safe. Not for the riders, not for the people around them. They’re ungainly, heavy, and difficult for the (apparently) targeted demographics to maneuver at low speed. And they’re always at low speed.

I know the industry standard appears to be ‘top speed of 32km/h’, and that would be thoroughly acceptable. But I get stuck behind these damn things constantly. On my bicycle. And they’re wobbling back and forth on the road, at 12-15km/h, unpassable in traffic, because a bicycle can’t get up to speed to pass fast enough when stuck behind them. The wobble alone tends to take up a two foot width, never mind the fact that some of these “bikes” are as wide as small cruiser motorcycles.

This morning, and what prompted the rant, was getting hit by one of these wobbling clowns. On a side-street. Where I gave a four-foot gap to pass (I was almost on the yellow line between lanes). And then _I_ got yelled at because “Only motor vehicles should be on the road” and “you was cycling irresponsibly”.

And, quite honestly, the “irresponsible cyclist” then had to pass this moron again, because the “irresponsible cyclist” stopped at a red light, where the e-bike rider mounted the sidewalk, and crossed on the walk, rather than actually obey the traffic rules. And she almost hit me again the second time, too.

I don’t have any problem with e-bikes in theory. But if you’re going to be in traffic, don’t block it, and obey the fucking rules, same as cars and bicycles are required to. Don’t impede traffic. And stop being a santimonious ass. You REALLY want to save the environment? Buy a bike. And lose the rare-metal-filled, mined-with-diesel-and-environmental-damage, transported-from-location-to-location-for-various-assemblies, charged-by-coal-from-your-home-hydro-plug battery-powered traffic stopper (and btw: what you ‘think’ your saving the world with? causing more cars to crawl along behind you makes more pollution than you’re saving) and just buy a bike. Get some exercise, push them pedals.
Or at least keep that so-called throttle wide open, hunh? Because you seriously piss off the rest of us, drivers and cyclists alike.


2 Responses to It’s Time To Get Ranty.

  1. phae_girl says:

    As the driver of a large vehicle, I have to say anything with two wheels scares the crap out of me. I love motorcycles, even owned a couple of them, but the prime demographic of motorcycle riders tends to lead them towards making bad decisions around a vehicle that would squash them like a bug and not even feel it. Regular cyclists seem to have a higher sense of awareness, likely stemming from a self preservation instinct, so I worry a little less about them but at the same time I still give them a wide berth lest they end up under a trailer because of a stray rock in their path. E-bikes, or whatever they’re called this week, concern me the most because they occupy a middle ground between the foolish and the paranoid and, because of the dodgy weight and balance combined with the small wheels, they tend to be unaware and unpredictable.

    The real issue is the lack of infrastructure to support cyclists and E-bikes. I’m sure most bicyclists would rather not be on the same piece of road as me, for exactly the same reasons I don’t want to be with them. Why aren’t we making use of the wide-ass centre medians we have for paved arterial bicycle routes? It’s not like we don’t have the space…

    • markramsden says:

      I can’t even imagine what it’s like for you guys in the rigs.

      and you’re right. we need any new infrastructure, at least, to accomodate cyclists. But more, we need to stop this BS from drivers about “it’ll take space away from me and slow me down”.

      As I explained to one twit the other day, it loses you all of about six seconds to move your fat hoof from the gas to the brake, wait for until there’s room to pass, and then go around. (and if it’s me on a bike, I’m not THAT under the limit anyways: sometimes, I can get over it on my bike).

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